Speak to Your Children

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Speak to Your Children

Watch “Verbal Judo 1” on YouTube

https://youtu.be/7yFyeJMD4Pg

This saved my bacon while raising my kids as a single mom.  I now tell anyone, just “have a conversation” with people, your kids, your boss, etc.

I came from the generation that told kids to do things “because I said so!” When someone first suggested I explain things to my kids under 10 years old, I thought they were off their rocker.

For kids in a situation where they have lost one parent whether they knew them or not, there is a fear of losing the parent that “stayed”. My explaining things to my kids, help relieved their fears about the immediate future.  It kept them informed still on “a need to know” basis but without having to guess about so much.

Also, I developed an “open door” policy as they were getting older.  They were free to talk to me 8 to 9 pm for normal situations…not a crisis.  I set this time so that if it was not an emergency, I could still have my devotions early in the morning uninterrupted and my quiet time alone at night.

So I hope this helps any parent, not just the single parent.  To learn how to de-escalate a conversation going awry when they are young helps as the children grow older.

My name is @Nek’ka Migel and I am the founder of @Single Moms Unite!, LLC dba @Consulting for Single Parents
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How do you protect your children?

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How Do You Protect Your Children?

A little while ago, I went to a Journey to Wholeness session and we were tearing down spiritual and mental walls that have blocked me for some time.  And one of those walls was a lie:

As a little girl, about 2 years old, I was helping my mom and dad move into the next door apartment that had 2 bedrooms.  It was just me and them, before, living in a one bedroom apartment.  I can’t remember the one bedroom apartment.  But I forever remember holding my mother’s garbage can from her bedroom, that I believe was a wedding present that matched their hamper with the attached flip lid.  As a 2 year old, I thought I was happy to be there, helping my parents move from one apartment to the other.  As a two year old, I knew nothing of the impending dangers, abandonment issues or levels of abuse that would occur in the next 5 years.    

In that healing session of Journey to Wholeness  (as a woman in her 50’s remembering that scene as though it were yesterday) all the bad memories came flooding in from the 5 years we lived in that apartment until after I turned 7. 

That day standing in the hallway as my parent held the door open for me to walk in with this garbage can, is forever frozen in my mind.  It was like it was a turning point.  And the truth of the matter, many hurtful things happened after the next sibling came and so forth til the summer my 4th sibling was due and we moved from that two bedroom apartment to the neighboring 3 bedroom townhouse.  (I am the oldest of 6 children.)   I won’t describe the horrid acts of betrayal that happened in that home.  I won’t describe the violence and the abuse.   

So I ask myself this year, in that memory,  “Instead of walking through the open door held by my parent, suppose I had turned and walked down the 3 flights of stairs to find another family to live with?  Could I have spared myself the pain, hurt and agony that was to come?  Or would it have been worse with someone else?”  Though you might be wondering what happened to me at 4, 5 and 6 years old, suffice it to say that I am a survivor. 

And though my past has affected me and influenced me, I am rising above it all.  So with that in mind, have you ever thought about being the protector of the children, even from yourself?  Have you thought about what it means, as a Christian, to raise your children in the the nurture and admonition of the LORD?   

Back on March 2, 2000, I wrote something on the back of an envelope while I was at a prayer meeting: 

RESPECT CHILDREN

1) Idle words:  Are you careless with your words, talking off the top of your head?

No Strife.  And one way to avoid some strife is to talk to them.  Let them know what’s up.  You should explain the rules and expectations so when they get in trouble, and they probably will at some point, they would have heard the rules and expectation beforehand.

2) Ownership:  Do your children have ownership in anything and do you respect that?

3) Generational:  What generational traits are following your children that make them do one thing or another that is not all their fault?

4) Master/servant:  parents to serve their children — children lives matter!  There is a proper place and way to serve your children.  Keep reading.

Honor them… respect their privacy and do unto them as you would want them to do unto you – the Golden Rule.

Support them… congratulate them when they do a job well done.  Help investigate other avenues when they reach a stumbling block.  Attend their sports game.  Encouragement is a form of support as well.

Be encouraging. 

Hold them yet let them go…. There is this thing that happens with a lot of moms of letting their children go in their heart or spirit when the children turn 3 years old.  Don’t do that.  Fight that urge for whatever reason it comes up.  I could feel it happening with my son, and I assumed it was because my husband was always claiming his son as HIS SON.  So I let go.  Then I heard about others around me who did the same thing, and I realized that was not a good thing to do no matter the reason. 

5) Fruits of spirit:  Meekness (gentleness), Humility (humbleness), Love bearing all, Be forgiving.

Unconditional LOVE… is so key. We should love our children without expecting payment of love or kind acts just because we loved them.  It would be nice if they could give unconditional love back to us all the time but is that realistic to expect?

Cherish them… which means being present to them and with them…not distant with your mind elsewhere while you’re with them.  It’s another form of love.

Hold them… most children like some physical touch even if it’s limited.  My baby girl sat on my lap (sometimes) until she was 17, 18 years old.  And even now in her 20’s, she may still occasionally put her head on my shoulder while in church.   

 

How can we protect our children as much as possible if we have let them go in our hearts, spirit and mind?  Both parents can hold a child in their hearts and mind.  Let children make their mistakes and help them if they ask.  Or have an answer of possible solutions when they come to share with you after a mistake. 

Let them grow up…gradually versus making them act and be responsible for things like a much older child or an adult.   I insisted that my children were to be children while they were children.  I tried to shield them from real life heartaches that they did not have to be involved with.  I did speak truth when they wanted extravagance that was not in our current spending plan.  And I would tell them to pray for those things.  They did get many of those things after they were 18 and out of my home, whether it was gifted to them or they bought it themselves. 

So in conclusion of my notes on the back of this envelope, I wrote in 2000,

Respect them

Earnestly Hold them,

Soothingly love them,

Peacefully deal with them without strife.

Eagerly forgive them and encourage them. 

Calmly rule over them… (resist the urge to yell and threaten).

Teach them respect.  There’s nothing wrong with saying yes, ma’am, or no sir, thank you or excuse me.  Manners can take them a long way.

Want a child to learn respect?  Show respect to them.  These have been some hints for how to do just that.  

 

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Book a one to one session with Nek’ka today, in person or on the phone!

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Thanks for Stopping By.

Sincerely and 

In Christ Name,

Nek’ka Migel

choose-to-succeed.org

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Are You Trustworthy?

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Are you Trustworthy?

I was just thinking about trials and tribulations that keep us from keeping on.  Trials that make us want to break our word to ourselves and to others. 

So I ask you, Are you Trustworthy…no matter the circumstance?  I was just going through my journals of 2000 looking for material for my book that I am writing about coming out of the spirit of poverty.   I came across on this writing.  It was a series of questions that actually questioned my commitment.  The background story is that I was a stay-at-home single mom raising two girls.  In April of 2000, My oldest would have been turning 6 and I had one turning 5.   

1. If God takes my car away, will I still serve Him and forsake not the assembly?  Meaning,  as a churchgoers, will I still find a way to make it to church with no vehicle of my own? 

2. If God takes my car, will I walk miles to get to the church God has place me in for the moment? 

3. If God takes my car away, will I depend on man and their car to get the job done anyway? 

4. If God takes my car away, will I still praise God and love Him? 

5. When my feet are hurting from walking, will I yet praise God? 

I say, yes! But I have to mean it, get committed and stay faithful, pressing through!  Even as I write this, I remember week after week of walking my 5 year old to Kindergarten, not just around the corner.  I remember planning which days I could walk toward Walmart and do my errands on that side of town.  And another day, walk towards the Post Office so that I could get my mail and do the things I needed to that day on that side of town.   

I got rides sometimes.  But people are not always available when you want to do something.  I can remember walking to church in the rain and hoping the cars saw me and my girls walking on the sidewalk, hoping they would not splash us horribly as we were on our way to church in our Sunday best. 

I can remember days being so tired and knew I had to take the bus.  The bus kept us on the weekdays when it was raining.  But when the weather was clear, we still walked back and forth to school until I started homeschooling the girls.   

I have one for you, would you still praise God if you had no color TV and only a little portable black and white TV?  Home Schooling the girls with a black and white TV was a challenge for things that needed to appear in color for the lesson on the VHS tapes. 

Choose to Succeed!

One day, someone offered us a Color Console TV.  That thing was huge and had a great sound.  And we continued our homeschooling journey in color.   I was still praising God, without a car and with a little Black and White TV.   

So the original question is, Are You Trustworthy? 

What has been entrusted to your care that makes you want to give up or change the conditions because you don’t have something you think you need? 

Are you a committed person to the projects and family members around you? 

Are you one who quits when the going gets tough?  I can tell you that my girls hung by me through walking the city streets, walking in rain and watching a little black and white TV at home. 

I want to encourage you to hang in there whether you are a single parent, a worker in a tough situation, or just trying to do this life the best way that you can.  Don’t give up when times get tough.  Get good and godly counsel before throwing in the towel. 

It was not an option to me to give up because of my girls watching my example.  But did I give up in little ways such as not keeping my word to myself?  Did I give up in little ways by not cooking someone’s favorite dinner when I said I would? 

I have learned there are smaller issues inside and around the larger issues of commitment and being trustworthy.  And those smaller issues build up to or lead up to the larger commitments. 

Didn’t Jesus say in the bible that those who would be faithful with the little would also be faithful with much? 

Luke 16:10

Consider your life.  Consider where you are and what changes you can make to be more faithful in the little things as well as the larger scheme of things.   

I hope this was a helpful reminder to do a check up on your life.  I hope you were encouraged that as one single mom (me) arose to the occasion, time and time again, that others can also. 

If you would like to learn more about my life and what my girls are doing these days now in their 20’s, just follow me here at choose-to-succeed.org and check out some of the other blog posts.   

Thanks for stopping by. 

In Christ Name,

Nek’ka Migel

choose-to-succeed.org

What Path Are You On?

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Don’t let your birth order define you!

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Does your birth order define everything about you?

 

Even the last born can become an “A” type personality when needed and plan her own wedding. Here is my baby girl, lovely as ever. Picture by Debbie Merritt. Thanks, Debbie.

What in your life has defined you and caused you to think you can’t do something, like your birth order or how someone has labeled you?

Think about it and let me know your thoughts!  Does your birth order define you… totally?

Help create your own destiny.

 

In Christ Name,

Nek’ka Migel

choose-to-succeed.org

 

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