Do You Experience Push Back On The Job?

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Do you experience push back on the job or in ministry?

What’s with the push backs?

I was just thinking about how people sometimes give you a run around when you want to help.  Whether it is helping people or helping in a situation.  The experiences I am about to share happened while I was a single stay at home mom.  While you are reading them, you may see similarities to incidences in your life or job.  

So, what is with the push back? Why can’t people accept our willingness to help them, to genuinely help them? Why can’t people just look at themselves, at what’s being said and examine where they are? What’s with the push back?

Even though I am not perfect, it does not stop me from helping others.

 

Aren’t we all on the road of life?

 

I know that the scripture says that I am to pull the beam out of my own eyes before I can see clearly to cast the mote out of my brother’s eye. (Matthew 7:5)   So should I just leave a person in the deep hole they are in while I go and make amends to about 10 people, say 10 “Our Fathers”, and get counseling for a couple of months before I can mention one thing to another person about their issues?

I also understand the scripture that says it is in the spirit of meekness that you go to someone overtaken in a fault to restore them. Going in the spirit of meekness and thinking about yourself, helps you to not be tempted in the same way they were. (Galatians 6:1)

I just wonder, why time and time again, I have had leaders just not accept what I’m saying about a situation before they ask me what’s wrong with me, asking me, “What is the sin in your life?”  Do I have to go through this drill before I can mention anyone else’s sin or not so good situation?   When I am not confronting the leader but another co-laborer to me, in this instance, what is with the push back?

When someone is in leadership, their mess-ups could affect many people. I really don’t understand the fingers pointing back at me as to what’s in my life that I need to deal with, right as I bring up an issue. I regularly submit myself to Our Father in Heaven for my issues and I wait for God to let me know what I need to deal with. I am willing to deal with those things.  People, who know me, know that about me.

          Psalms 35:4

So, I don’t understand the deal with the push back from these men and women. I am reminded of at least one of the leaders who was giving me push back about an issue that was affecting other people. I found out a year or so later that this same leader was in sin, himself. So in a way, that makes more sense as to why HE was trying to point the finger at me being a whistle blower, bringing someone else’s stuff to the surface.

Sin consciousness will make you not so hard on sin in other people’s lives. It takes away your boldness sometimes. Sin consciousness might have you say that someone else’s stuff is not that bad. When others are affected negatively and in a needless way, it is still bad.  It doesn’t matter how minor or major the issue might be. 1 Corinthians 15:33, says that “Evil communication corrupts good manners”. The Amplified bible says that “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

Firm yet Fair

In another incident, I got a 5 to 10 minute lecture on the issues that I probably have in my life. It was so off topic, it was ridiculous.  I could not figure out why I had to go through such harassment to bring an issue to my leader.  I was not gossiping to my friend.  I went to someone who could do something about it by going to the next person in authority.  I can say for this incident, that the not so innocent party was spoken to by the leader after our conversation and the issue was confirmed by the actual (guilty) party. And it was dealt with.

So I think that was the issue with my leader: He thought I was assuming because I didn’t have concrete proof. Yet the conversations that I was having with this individual was proof enough to me. And since he finally admitted fault, yes, there was a fault, I knew I had “guessed” right.

As human beings, we sometimes second guess ourselves. As we get older, we understand different dynamics of life a little better than when we were younger. So all things and all scenarios do not take a rocket science to deduce what is going on in some people’s lives. I am the first to say that I have a lot to learn about people. I believe with the help of the Holy Spirit, I saw through to what was really going on which was later confirmed.

“Don’t allow anybody to make you feel like you are nobody.”

It’s quite the concept and it makes sense that when I talk to others about the bad issues in someone’s life that I will get pushed back because the person I am talking to is in sin and doesn’t want to admit fault or be caught themselves. Maybe, it’s like the golden rule, kind of, in reverse. Since the leader does not want to admit fault, he won’t allow me to blow the whistle on anyone else’s issues or sin.  He will try to stop me cold if he can harass me enough or get me to admit a fault of my own which might disqualify me from speaking up, possibly.  Or at least get me to back down because I FEEL disqualified to speak at that moment.

…Don’t know if that is their logic.

All I know is that if the leader has a problem, it does not mean I have a current problem that I need him to dig out of my life and heart before I can share a concern.  That is not staying on the subject.  And if I need help in the future, I can return to talk to my leader about my issues. Although, with the way they are handling my concerns for a co-laborers, I might be hesitant to admit my own weaknesses to this same leader.

What’s with the push back

So why the push back? If a person really and truly cares about someone, it’s not that they’re perfect. They care. They want better for another person. They want better for the situation and for the people who are being affected by the situation.  It’s not saying that the whistle blower is perfect.

It someone had to be perfect before calling attention to a harmful or potentially harmful situation, would there ever be any rebuking? The scripture does not say we have to be perfect (Galatians 6:1). It says we have to pull the log out of our own eyes. It says to go humbly, in the spirit of meekness. We go being aware of our own humanness and shortcomings.

So again, I ask, what’s with the push back? S i n. And sin consciousness. What a sad world it would be if there was no more rebuking in the world. What a sad world it would be.

Some people don’t want to be stopped. Others don’t want to be accused of being wrong. They want to do what they want to do when they want to do it. And no one is going to stop them, so they think.

I have run into people who are running from God. They do not accept the call on their life nor their responsibilities, sometimes.  As a Christian, I don’t know how one decides what parts will be Christian and what parts they will compartmentalize into the controls of their own hands. How do you make arbitrary decisions like that? It’s mind-boggling to me.

So my answer to push back is, “What would Jesus do”. If he verbally answered, Jesus would answer with the word of God. So I must do that.

1 Peter 2:1-3

If Jesus reacted, He would react with grace, humbly and sometimes with righteous indignation but Jesus would not stay there, in anger. So I will not stay hurt or in anger.

I believe Jesus would cast down all imaginations and thoughts that operate contrary to the word of God. (2 Corinthians 10:5). So I must not let my mind run wild either on assumptions or untruths.

I believe Jesus would pray for leaders and individuals who were caught in sin and he would guide them in all truth. (John 16:13) And so must I. I would go so far as to pray, 2 Timothy 2:24–25, praying that “God would grant them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth”.

2 Timothy 3:6-7
 

Some people’s eyes are closed or half closed to the truth. Deception is hard to battle on your own when you have been believing a lie for so long. Or when a person is deceived to think that their stuff is not so bad, it can be hard to change or see the truth.

If you have gotten something from this article today, I hope you will clap for it on medium.com. I was so ramped up today when I first wrote this wondering why this situation keeps happening to me.  But at last, a friend of mine told me that sometimes things, even bad things, keep happening so that we can form a response to those things.

Psalms 91:1,2,4,5

My name is Nek’ka Migel and writing this story today has helped me to see things more clearly as to why I get push back from leaders and others when it comes to pointing out faults in other people. I thought that others might benefit from reading about my experience. I did not want to name the exact sin since these people are still alive and hopefully they are dealing with their issues. That is my prayer for them.

In Christ Name,

Nek’ka Migel

Chaplains for Businesses 

and Consulting for Single Parents

choose-to-succeed.org

Clip art by Nek’ka

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5 Ways of Doing Business

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5 Ways of Doing Business is like the movie industry in some ways.

Let’s see if you can guess the key word before you get to the end of the post.

1. An actor goes to Hollywood or New York to get _________________________.  They do bit parts and hope someone will ___________________ them.

In Business, we have a really good idea and sometimes we need to be __________________.  We might need sponsorship.

                                                  You might need sponsorship!

We hope to make that strategic alliance with a great up-line, a great business builder in our down-line, a great patent that the world needs, write that book that sets the world on fire or something that gets you on the path to not giving up because you have struck gold…the first time.

But just as an actor/actress must constantly hone their craft, take acting classes, they don’t all give up in the first year of hoping to be ______________________.

2. An actor/actress will continue to try out for certain parts.  They may stay in a certain niche such as t.v., movies or even off Broadway plays.

What is your niche?  Network Marketing or MLM (Multi Level marketing), store front business, products, services, customer base on the young, elderly or middle age persons?  Persons of color, all human races, people who own pets, people with children at home, or daycare providers?

When you know your audience, you bring your attention to that people group.  You will blog to that people group.  You will attend meetings with people already serving that niche,

a) to make contacts,

b) get ideas for your business

c) to collaborate on ideas

d) and find sponsorship for your business.

Some people do not want to do what you are doing and would be happy to know you are doing it.  They could hire you as an independent contractor to help them.  This why networking in the broadest sense is a good idea.  It increases your chances to get ____________________________.

                                                    What is your niche?

3.  As actors grow in their craft, they may find that they like writing.  They are already in the field and now they will try their hand at writing scripts, for instance.

In business, as we go along trying out different ideas such as an actor/actress does writing, producing, or directing, we can see what sticks with us.

I have tried different CRM programs to keep up with prospecting future clients and downline.  I have listened to countless audio books and webinars online and on DVD.  I have added many tips to my business activities based on suggestions.   I have found that I like blogging and I love networking in groups and one to one.  I love getting ready for a meeting, getting my business cards ready, designing my name tag, posting on social media and getting up to date on the latest product that I am promoting.

Mostly, my current aim is to be before people, one to one, having a conversation.

     Having a Conversation: One to One!

Some people prefer to have a huge online presence reaching thousands and millions.  And while that is great for some, others might feel their calling is standing on the stage before audiences doing public speaking.  Others might prefer door to door throughout the week, setting appointments.  Still others prefer to be the secretary to the one already making a name for themselves, being behind the scenes.  But we all can’t be behind the scene.

What brings you the most thrill?  What can you get to do that really lights you up the most?

                           What Lights You Up The Most?

When you have had your fill, what do you do to relax afterwards, to bring things back in focus, to bring you back to “normal” for your family and friends?

4. Actors persevere through the rough times, through the rejection letters, through the unopened doors, as they continue to hone their craft and eventually teach others what they have learned.

In Business, who are you reaching out to and what great self talk do you have to get over your rejection letter or rejection phone call or meeting?  How do you realize they are not always rejecting you as a person but maybe the product or the timing?  Sometimes you have to wait and in six months the turnover in that company might allow you to speak to someone else om that department.

In business, when approaching individuals, let’s say for network marketing, go to the next person on your list, the next future client or prospect.  They say, it is all about numbers in business.  And a “No” does not always mean “no” but maybe later.

Use wisdom and move their name to your six month followup sheet.  Eric Worre teaches this in his networking videos on Youtube.

                          Return to the “No” prospect in 6 months

5. Actors have dreams and goals.  Do they aspire to have their own production company, a Wikipedia page or a star on Hollywood Blvd?  It could be any number of things.  And I would like to think that in their goals and dreams, they want to help and give back somewhere or to a specific people group.

What is your why for doing business?  In doing life?  What do you hope to achieve in your career or in your lifetime?  Who do you hope to benefit as you grow or after you have reached a certain level of success?

Remember, do not wait until are rich to write out your hopes and dreams.  Don’t wait until you hit it big, whatever that looks like to you, before you give back.  You can volunteer now at your local charity before you can write that large check for a donation.  You can donate food, clothes and any number of things to your favorite type of charity.

They say the odds of people giving back when they hit it big are smaller for people not already giving back in their current situation.

Be a giver now!!!   Don’t wait.

Give back even at a young age.

 follow Cami at http://hellocami.com/

Your favorite charity will be happy with the donation or gift of time in volunteering now before you hit it big.  Many small acts of kindness get much accomplished!

Writing out your dreams, aspirations, and goals gives you something concrete to work on.  It serves as a reminder for what you were thinking about when you look back on the list and you see your dreams and goals possibly changing or being revised.  As you grow, mature, learn and are exposed to so many people and things, your ideas of what you want may change.

As you learn more about the people group you want to give back to, you might refine and define more of who, where and how you want to give back.

In business, keep your options open and be willing to change if it is for the better.  Your direction may change.  Your dreams and goals may change as you continue to hone your craft and meet new people.

I once wanted to be a music conductor of a large choir and full piece orchestra.  I have since changed my dreams to wanting to see many people healed.  And I now look for opportunities in the new area of ministry.

One bit of warning is to not follow every lead down a rabbit hole.  That might now be your path.  You have to be discerning.  Do some investigation and check in with yourself to see how you really feel about it.  See if that path lines up with your overall goals or is it a detour or distraction taking you off course.

I have tried many things, many tactics, many venues.  But at last, only a  couple of them lasted through the test of time, hard work and trying harder.  🙂  The things that stuck for me more perfectly lined up with my personality, wants, needs, dreams and goals.

I was willing to try different types of businesses and it forced me to recognize what I like.  For instance, I prefer sharing with others about services than actual products that can be bought off a shelf.  I prefer speaking one to one than a huge numbers of people at one time.  I have had a number of opportunities to speak publicly and I don’t turn them down.  I just like the conversational format that comes with a one to one meetings.

I have also found that I like short term assignments with an approximate begin and end date versus it going on potentially forever with no end in sight short of my quitting.  And I am not a quitter.  At least I strive to not give up.   So having a time line works well for me as my motto is, “I work well with my calendar.”

I have found that sometimes, I just have to encourage myself and not look for others to always be rallying behind me or beside me to spur me on to good works, to not give up.    For me books, CD’s and functions are good motivators when my supporters are a little quiet at the moment.

I would love to chat with you about your journey.  If you know a single parent, I offer Consulting for Single Parents, helping them to get to their next level.  If you are or know a Small Business Owner, I offer prayer for businesses through Chaplains for Businesses, praying with them for their next business strategy, upcoming event or decision and any current crisis that might be happening.

I hope you have benefited from this article and the key word is discover, discovered or discovering.  You probably figured that out right away.

DISCOVER what works for you now and as you grow and develop in your life and business, remembering your dreams and goals as you go along your way.

My name is Nek’ka Migel.  I am a Christian that loves God and Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior who died and rose again and ascended into heaven.   Click here to contact me or reply to this posting.  Thanks for stopping by and reading this article.  Feel free to share this post with others:   https://tinyurl.com/business5ways

 

 

                                      Choose to Succeed!

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10 Cautions to Network Marketers

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10 Cautions to Network Marketers especially successful one…And I mean successful in dollars.

While I know the scriptures say, The Lord gives us power to get wealth (Deuteronomy 8:18), it is for the LORD’s purposes – not for us to consume it  upon our own lust – being greedy and just to buy stuff for our own pleasure.  (James 4:3)  

Be grateful for the help: we don’t succeed without others

1.  Be Grateful For The Help  

It takes people to build a good and successful business that is producing income especially for the one on the top.  

Don’t forget that it was people buying your products or service and other business builders doing their part to help build “your” network marketing business or any business really.    

Customers matter!  Workers matter!  

Sales Rep matters!  Independent Contractors matter!  

King Uzziah in 2 Chronicles 26:16 “when he was strong, his heart was lifted up to his destruction:  for he transgressed against the LORD his God and went into the temple of the LORD to burn incense upon the altar of incense.”  As this king was strong with help and his name was getting known all around, he was starting to show signs of being prideful.  

Stay Humble

2. Stay humble.  

Don’t get the big head.  

Don’t forget that you had to learn the business one step at a time whether you were spoon fed the information or you learned it through hard knocks.  Sometimes, when we get to a certain position, we are so far from the beginning that we might genuinely forget those baby steps.  

Share this with a single mom

3.  Be willing to Teach.  

While remaining teachable yourself, be willing to share some of the steps you took to become successful.  Journaling has helped me to remember steps I took before I overcame an obstacle.  Before I was on the other side of the beginning of a learning curve.  We should continue to learn and develop our craft, our salesmanship or “share-man-ship”, being able to better share and share in a more efficient and succinct way.  

We should share in a way that is not begging or pleading.  Sharing genders relationship versus hatred for the next time they see you… if they only think of you as a salesman.  Be ever learning and also ever willing to teach.  

King Uzziah did not “get it” until judgement happened.

2 Chronicles 26:18 And they withstood Uzziah the king, and said unto him, It appertained not unto thee, Uzziah, to burn incense unto the LORD, but to the priest, the sons of Aaron, that are consecrated to burn incense:  go out of the sanctuary; for thou hast trespassed; neither shall it be for thine honour from the LORD God.    

If you go back up to verse 13 and 15 you will see that King Uzziah “had an army of 307,500 men…to help the king against the enemy”  And “he made in Jerusalem engines, invented by cunning men…and his name spread far abroad; for he was marvellously helped, til he was strong”.  

This king was rocking it!  

But he didn’t listen to the still small voice or the louder voices of the priests…

Verse 19:   “Then Uzziah was wroth, and had a censer in his hand to burn incense”  

(He didn’t put it down)

“And while he was wroth with the priest”,

(who were speaking truth to him),

“the leprosy even rose up in his forehead before the priest in the house of the LORD, from beside the incense altar.”

(where he stood in sin)  

Obey that still small voice of truth you hear.

  • Don’t forget where you came from!

 4. With that, Don’t forget where you came from.

That can be humbling–so don’t dwell in it.  I am cautioning you to not forget your humble beginnings in a way that when you meet others coming up in the ranks, you are reminded, hopefully not painfully reminded, of where you started.  

I can remember talking to someone about the business and hearing them say how they can’t sell anything.  I used to think that I could not be salesman.  

Yet we all sell:

We sell ourselves to our new best friend.  

We sold ourselves to our spouses before marriage.  

We even sold ourselves to our kids, most of us,

after they were born.  

It is about sharing who we are and when we get comfortable with sharing ourselves and our products or services, we might forget how it was when we first started.  So no. 4 is Don’t forget where you came from, good or bad, because sometimes bad situations forced you to do good and to become better.

Be Teachable

5. Be teachable.  

We have mentors all around us whether it is people or situations mentoring us to be better or at least giving us the choice to be better.  

CHOOSE TO BE BETTER.  

Take the Lessons to Heart!  

Take the words of encouragement to do good, to heart.  

Learn from them.    

When I was struggling to learn how to sell and then share, I had wonderful, successful people around me but they did not always seem to understand my struggle.  I had mechanically done all the right things.  

– I had my list of 100 names, still do to this day.  

– I was making the calls,

– knocking on doors physically,

– setting appointments,

– giving samples with my business cards and flyers,

– had my  name and phone number labeled on the samples,

– attended the home meetings,

– went to the hotel meetings,

– kept product stock on hand,

– listened to that business’s webinars and 

– I network with other industries.  

In being teachable, my husband always told me that if I couldn’t get the necessary lessons to look elsewhere.  To go higher, is what he said, to my higher upline.  

So my “higher” was in Network Marketing meetings that hosted a variety of businesses.  These meetings were sharing business principles that worked for many businesses.  Personally, I was not interested in going higher,  above my upline’s head, to find a mentor.  

It was in the network marketing meetings for any business that I hit my stride and overcame the hurdles in that learning curve.  I began actively sharing, selling products and recruiting.  

It was in the general networking meetings that I learned about relationship marketing or relational marketing.   Network marketing meetings ended up providing me with my best clients.  

Get a Mentor

6. Get a mentor.  

A word to the wise, your upline might not be your mentor so don’t expect them to be.  They can be if they chose to and have the ability and time to mentor you.  

Time and again, I have seen my upline not be my mentor.  I did not realize this was even a possibility that the person who recruited me was in fact, not my mentor.  

That was my issue:  I was looking and expecting my upline to mentor me.  They share tips and went on calls with me as the “expert” showing me the ropes.  But it is not the same as being a mentor.  

My current business mentor is not in my business.  She does not have any attachments in a monetary way to my success or failure. What she has suggested to me is that I spend more money on character development through books and seminars than spending even more money on attending networking meetings.  I have nothing against BNI’s, Grotto meetings and the like.  They work swell for some people.  I find for myself that I do better in business as I do better personally.  

So I ask you, in the bible, who was King Uzziah’s mentors?  Was he listening to them?  Kings normally have many advisers.  But as a king, if they think they “have arrived”, and are no longer humble, they might not listen to trusted advisers or trusted friends and workers around them.   (Look at the lives of King Solomon, Nebuchadnezzar,  and King Saul.)

Keep short accounts

7.  Keep short accounts and be honest.  

If you mess up, get back on track.  I think King Uzziah was repentive because after he got leprosy in his head, he ran out of the temple from doing what only the priests were to do.  (2 Chronicles 26:20)  

Make it right with people who work for you, who work with you and your customers.  

Do it quickly.  

Try not to have a long list of amends to make; keep the list short and take care of it quickly.  If I was King Uzziah, I think my heart would have been beating so fast in doing that wrong thing.  Maybe his pride really had deceived him.  I would have been ashamed of myself.  

I have had to apologize for missing a meeting because it was not on my calendar.  Now I strive to make sure that does not ever happen again.  My motto became:  “I work real well with my calendar!”  

I try to deal honestly with people and fairly so that there isn’t something  that creeps in subtly since I am already working at being honest in transactions.  When I tell someone I’m going to do something but I forget, I ask them when I realize I probably forgot to do something.  When they tell me what I forgot, I can get right on it.  

Keep short accounts.

Build your good character

8. Build your good character.

I think if King Uzziah had had a humble spirit before he was famous, he would not have presumed to do the priest’s job.  

In building good character, it help keeps you from temptations to do the wrong thing or make wrong decisions.  

I have a rule about the opposite sex:  I stay within a certain number of inches from them when talking.  I watch their signals and words to make sure we are only talking about business and nothing undercover.   I have a stance of, we can work together if it is only work.  I am not “looking” for a personal buddy.  I only want to have a strategic business alliance.  I can talk for hours with the opposite sex and not be drawn to them no matter how nice they are because my position is about business.  How about you?  

If I have to tell them to back off, I will.  Will you?

If I have to stay away from them because the chemistry is too strong, I stay away.  Would you?

Build your character so that you can let things go by you that in the long run might cause more problems than it’s worth.  

Build your character that you can stay true to your own core values.  

Sometimes we set boundaries but can’t or won’t enforce them  We need to be willing to enforce our boundaries, if need be.    Build your character so that you can set boundaries and keep them.  In building  character, I read books or listen to audio books, regularly.  

I have a business mentor that always challenges me with good materials.  My mentor is someone who I would aspire to be like but in my line of business.  

I also have a community that sometimes speak hard truth to me and helps me to see things from a different perspective.  

Being a praying Christian, I pray about most things if not all things.  I want to say that I pray about all things but I don’t know if that is true.  So I will keep short accounts here and say that I pray about most things.  

Invest in yourself!  

Whether it is keeping your word to yourself about your eating plan, exercising, reading plan, daily activities and so on.  Part of having good character is keeping your word to yourself.  So King Uzziah should have stuck to doing king stuff and let the priest do the priest stuff.  

Is there something in your life that you need to get in order?
The right order?  

If you are rebuked, take it well

9.  If you are rebuked, take it well.  

Examine the situation looking for the truth.  I was recently rebuked for not following the leader.  I was told what  to do in front of others.  During a break, I talked to my leader and let them know that I was trying to follow their lead and their cues.  But they had not always noticed that.  So now, I am more aware to follow their lead so that they can catch me doing so.  

If I had taken offense especially on a day when I was not feeling good, I could have quit or given up.  The character built in me was to never quit–let them fire me.  I was not going to leave my position.   For a few minutes, I had to ponder the situation when I realized I had been watching for their cues, for their leadership “over” my position.  Do you ever sit back and take inventory of the situation before reacting?   Sometimes rebukes or corrections come from more than one person.  I’ve worked in an office where there were too many chiefs, you might say.  

When you are an independent contractor, you still have someone to report to.  And there is always a chain of command though sometimes your equal will try to send directions your way.  This is an opportunity to speak up if you have directions from the chief, head boss or leader, to make it known that you don’t need to hear the same thing from another equal or to hear contradictory directions from someone’s opinion.  

Ever get that?  Where someone thinks they know better than the boss?  Maybe that isn’t the job for them.  

I know people sometimes are just trying to be helpful.  So be cautious to not take offense when a rebuke or correction might be well meaning though misplaced.  

Take it well.  

Consider the situation.  

Then speak up once you know the truth.  Or repent if you are in the wrong.  It came to pass…this too shall pass and it will be another lesson in building your good character.  Last but not least…

Success is not always measured in money only

10.  In giving 10 cautions to network marketers especially successful ones, meaning dollar wise, learn that success is not always measured in dollars.  The world system views much money as success and it is a level of success… but what happens along the way to your supposed great success?  See the 10 questions below to ask yourself.

Are you a failure because you did not become a millionaire like Bill Gates as you worked on your business?  

Are you a failure because you don’t have a chain of stores and just your one or two?  

No!  

Be very careful not to label yourself a failure because the world has decided for you what success it.  

Are your bills paid?  

Are you not in foreclosure?  

Can you afford your current lifestyle?  

Is your family still happy with you?  

Do you have balance in your life?  

If you are a Christian, do you still have a good relationship with the LORD?  

Did you burn bridges to get to this level of success?  

Are you still liked by your peers?  

If you can say yes to all of these questions and have lots of money, Bravo!  If you can say yes to all of these questions and the doors of your business are still open, would you not call yourself successful?  

I want to encourage you that there are many measuring sticks to success…not just dollars.  Dollars is just one way to measure if you are successful or not.  

Another measuring stick for success is obedience.  Did you obey that still small voice guiding you, speaking truth to you?    Did you obey that whisper to share something insightful with your potential client that really might help them while you laid aside closing the deal for a few minutes?  

Success has been measured so much in dollars that some people  will not even talk to you unless you have achieved a certain amount of wealth.  Have you heard of these circles?   I have had people close to me wonder why someone would listen to me if I am not as rich as another.  We all have experiences that we can share.  And our experience can be wisdom for someone else who has not traveled as far as we have.  

Dear Network Marketer, Business Owner, and Independent Contractor, if you are only in business for money and nothing else, you might want to stop reading here.  Money is a great motivator but it should not be the only motivator.    

So remember these 10 steps that can help you to succeed:

1. Being grateful for the help in building your business because of customers, reps and business builders

2. Staying humble so you can handle success.  

3. Being willing to teach what you have learned…there is always someone who knows less than you.  

4.  Not forgetting where you came from in how Your journey started

5.  Being teachable  

6. Looking for your mentor if you don’t have one  

7.  Keeping short accounts

8. Building your character  

9.  Being rebuked and taking it well.  

and

10.  Success is not always measured in dollars.

These are 10 cautions to help you choose to succeed as you do them and do them well.  I hope this has been a good reminder of what to do and what not to do.  I hope you have the opportunity to share this with others who are up and coming.

 

Many people could add their stories to a few of these points from good and bad experiences.  The point is that we all have learned some things from our experiences.  

My name is Nek’ka Migel.  I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.  I would love to hear from you, possibly adding number 11 and 12 of cautions you thought of sharing with Network Marketers, Business owners and Independent Contractors.  Feel free to add your comments in the comment section or send me a private message.   

It has been my pleasure writing this.  For a one to one consultation, please click here.   

Sincerely and

In Christ name,

Nek’ka Migel    

Choose to Succeed Referral Marketing

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10 Ways to Develop Community for a Single Mom

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Build your community, single moms!

10 Ways to Develop Community for a Single Mom

Do you desire to have more friends, dear Single Mom?  Do you want to increase your current community?  Here are 10 tips that can help you develop your community.

I love Community

1.  Are you a single mom?  Be confident in yourself as a single mom.  You do not have to have all the answers at once.  Be confident in what you do know.  Being confident may make some woman avoid you out of their own insecurity.  Though, I have found that confidence draws the right people to you…people who will be attracted to your confidence and strength.

This same confidence and strength could keep that “fly by night” guy away from you.  Men who are takers sometimes recognize women who are not playing games and they tend to want to stay away.  Still be wise when people come around you.

To be honest with you, sometimes as a single mom, I did not feel confident.  So I would put on the face and the countenance like I was a force to reckon with.  I faked it until I could make it.  Until I could make the confidence work for me.

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2.  Wait for your own man.  Don’t give another woman any reason to doubt your professional relationship with her husband.  Your spiritual relationship with the Pastor should be above board as well.  Wait on God.  He has the right man for you.

I believe there is a man for every woman and a man in every city or area for that woman even if she moves.  At least that is what I believed for myself as a single mom.

One of the things that I did when someone’s husband was helping me with mechanical things on my car or fixing my dryer, I would call the wife after the husband left and thank her for her husband’s time and effort.  And I would let her know that her husband was on his way back home.  Just keeping it above board.

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3.  Train your children at home on how to behave in public.  Yes, you can practice with your kids teaching them how to sit quietly, how to interrupt politely and at appropriate times by waiting until you are done talking or the other person is done talking.

Train your children how to be ready on time to leave the home so that you are not using them as the reason you are constantly late.  And that might mean training yourself.

In developing community, you will have  more opportunities to take your kids with you.  And that is okay.  As a single mom, you do not always need a babysitter to attend some adult events of interest.

So when my kids were 3 and 4 years old, we would practice sitting on the couch like we were in church or at a performance of some kind.  I would give the kids there own paper and pencil.  I would tell them to sit quietly for a certain amount of time.  And I told them they were practicing for when we went out in public.

Another training piece that I did for the young ones was to have them stand by the door and not move.  I would walk away and tell them to just stay there.  They would squirm and want to run to me smiling and laughing.  But I explained to them that if they were ever in danger, in a position where they needed to stay until I said it was safe, I needed to know that they would obey.

So an incident did happen while I was visiting a friend and my little one got outside the gate across the street.  The child stayed until someone brought her safely back across the street.  I shudder to think of what could have happened if I had not trained my kids at home.

                          The Definition of Community

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4.  Budget for a small amount each month or every other month to take your kids to McDonald’s or somewhere.  So when the opportunity comes up with others, you can go out for ice cream, let’s say after church or after a sporting event.  This way you are not breaking your budget just to make everyone happy and for once (or twice) you get to pay for your own kids.  I am telling you, it is a good feeling.  Now, I understand the mom who is going from check to check and you can’t possibly see how to do this.

I was that way too.  I once told the kids, “One day, we will be able to go to that restaurant!”  Eventually, I was able to budget for $10 a month to take the three of us out.  That meant happy meals but it was a start.

So don’t feel guilty when you take your kids out.  I did.  It was like I didn’t want anyone to see that I was going through the drive thru to spend $10 a month on me and my family for the value meals.  Now I can spend $10 a week.

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5.  In developing community and building confidence, how you dress is important.  You might be okay with low top blouses or hip hugger pants showing your waist.  And for now, that might be all you have.  But they do still make classic waist pants and there are plenty of them in the thrift stores and consignment shops.  Look for non revealing blouses that are tasteful for the modern girl.  I am not suggesting you look like your grandmother in your clothing.

I can tell you as a minister to women for over 10 years or really closer to 20 years, it is very hard to talk to a lady when all “the girls” are practically out of her top.  Tuck it in ladies.  Cover it up.  It is not for sale and don’t be giving it away.  This way, when you meet a nice couple who wants to befriend you and your kids, how you dress could take away immediate doubts to your motives and character.  Yes, people will try to size you up based on how you dress.  We live in a suspicious generation.

So remember, we are talking about making friends, increasing our community and hopefully having fun along the way.   And while these are only suggestions, I can tell you that I have so much community and I get compliments all the time for the tasteful way I dress.

So I am not telling you anything I am not willing to live myself.    I got another chance to minister to the public and the leader encouraged me to continue dressing just the way I had been.  To me, that was a compliment.  And as my children were turning into teenagers, I encouraged them to dress modestly as well.  And now one of my kids speak all over the nation on stage before hundreds maybe thousands of people.  Their dress is modest yet tasteful and age appropriate.

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6. In being confident, it is good to go out when at the top of your game.  You know what makes you feel good and vibrant.  If you don’t, find out what it is.  For instance, I did not go to the single’s group when I was not at the top of my game.  Because while I am looking to build my community of single friends, some are not looking to be friends.  Some are not looking to add positive-ness to my life.  It is unfortunate.  But so true.

So case in point, one day I did go to the single’s group.  I was minding my own business when I was approached by another single lady.  She begin asking me about a former intended that she apparently dated in the past and the conversation just went downhill real fast.  I was stunned and really appalled at the gall of a person to cast aspersions on others. To so blatantly gossip and tear down a person I dated and still had feelings for.  It was her choice to share her own pain and experiences with me.  But it is up to me in how I respond.

So my response was something like this:  I believe every person has some good in them.  And when I meet people including men, I hope that they are better people from having met me.  That they gained something from our interactions.  I also reminded her that if we don’t teach men how to treat a woman in general then they will continue to date and treat women badly.

She said to me, Good for you!

Well, I must have been at the top of my game that night to have responded so succinctly and not get dragged down in telling my woeful stories to match hers and her bad experience with this man.  I chose not to go there…to the bad side.  Are we still together?  Nope!  Did he learn anything while spending time with me?  I do believe so.  I believe he actually grew as an individual.

               Put your thoughts in Clip Art to share with the world.

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7. Is your plate too full?  In building community around you, be aware if you can handle any other obligations or commitments.  Sometimes we want friends so bad that we agree to spend more time than we have.  We might join a group or committee when we might already be tired and full of needed activities.  You need to know yourself to know if you can handle MORE.  If you can not handle more, wait for better timing.  I believe God has great timing for adding the right people to our lives and the right activities.

How can I help you, dear Single Mom?

8.  Be true to thine own self.  You have to know your self to be true to yourself…to not compromise your own values.   Many people have a list of things either mental or written down of things that they need to do everyday or every week.  Some even have a list of things that cannot be in their lives.

For me, it is necessary that I pray every day, read my bible daily and exercise daily.  Of course I need to eat daily but I also fast weekly.  Those are my rules of life.  Another rule is to not lie, cheat or steal.  I have to stay on top of that because the temptation of subtle lies, cheating and stealing could creep in one’s life.  Like taking the pen from the cashier at the grocery store…if they did not give it to you to have.  Cheating at the stop light or stop sign by running a yellow light that obviously is going to turn red on you or the stop sign that you rolled through.  Lies of omission where you just leave out the rest of the details making someone come to an erroneous conclusion.

That’s what I mean by it could happen in such a subtle way that you don’t realize it is happening at first.  But to correct it when you realize it, so that what you do and say are really a good representation of who you are, of your character.

We often think of what others might think of us.  But what do we think of ourselves?  What do we believe about ourselves?  Is it true?  Do we keep our word to ourselves?  Are we women of integrity when we are all alone?

                  Community: Where do you like to have it?

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9. Do not be so eager to share your struggle as a single mom too soon.  You might think, really?  Why not?  You can share that with your existing community of close friends. When developing community, new people sometimes already have  their own ideas of who you are because you are a single mom.  And when they meet you, within seconds, they decide if they like you or not and you might not have said your first word yet.

So I caution you to not let the first words you speak to new people be about your struggles as a single mom.    Be Holy spirit led in what you share.  If it is too personal, it could turn people away because they might not want to reciprocate in being as vulnerable about their personal life.  Also, I have learned that in building relationships, you need to build a foundation that can be strong enough to hold certain information and facts about our lives.

I’ll give you an example:  I was talking to a lady friend of mine who had had an argument with a man and it turned out bad.  There was blood involved and alcohol.  If this lady had told me that story when we first met, I might have been apprehensive that if she had too much alcohol around me and she got mad, I wondered if there would be blood involved.

As I developed a relationship with this lady and we shared stories with each other and visited one another’s home and she had my girls over for a special “girly” birthday party, by the time that story actually happened, I knew the character of her as a friend and I knew to just be patient and be there for her as a friend.  I was not suddenly afraid for my life or my girls when she came around because I had taken that time to build a foundation of friendship.  We had built a strong enough foundation to be able to handle that incident that involved alcohol and blood with that other person.

The same thing happened with women who were having men issues.  If they had started out with that information like it was an identity name tag, we might not have been friends because it would have violated my list of what not to have in my life, which is sleeping around.  Sorry!  That is on my list of do not’s, forever and a day.

So to be around someone doing that is not someone that I would be looking to for adding to my community of like minded individuals.  Yet I have met wonderful women who just needed to surrender that area of their life to God and ask God for help to not do that any more.  I got to be friends with these ladies before the story of their struggle came out in our relationship.  I prayed with them.  I was their friend.

And guess what?  They got delivered from that lifestyle.  It had become a habit for them whether with just one man or more.  It was something that had to be dealt with.  And because I got to KNOW THEM before I KNEW THEIR STRUGGLE, I was able to handle the information.

So I hope you can relate to what I am saying and think of a struggle you might have and it could be an issue for a friendship.  And it is not that you are trying to be deceptive or hide who you really are.  But your new relationship might not be strong enough to hold the information that WILL BE disclosed eventually but at a better time.  Because with some information, there never seems to be the RIGHT TIME to talk about some things but there is a better time.

Here is a way that you can test the waters in creating a safe environment in friendship and community:  share just a little bit of information.  Watch their reaction.  See if they are trying to one up your story or show that there is common struggle or interest in helping.  Or you might see that they are offended by that little bit of information you shared.

Be careful with your pearls.  And yes, some of your struggles are pearls in that they could be working to make you a wonderful masterpiece, increasing your faith and so on.  You might see it as a test.  And your kids are watching you to see how you deal with this struggle.  So remember, it came to pass.  This, too, shall pass…if you let it.  Learn from it!

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And last but not least,

10.  Don’t judge others so quickly.  Though they might judge you, be slow to get to know who people  really are.  When I meet people, I ask myself who they remind me of so that I don’t confuse the two people though they seem so similar in looks or ways.  Some people hit it off right away.

Are you ever instant friends?  Usually not.  Stay in the acquaintance mode until you have enough time observing them and they you, before you call them a friend.  I had to remind my kids of that when they were younger.  And some adults I am around use that word, friend, so freely and I just wonder…are those people you are speaking of, are they really your friends?

I have been amazed at how many women I have met and just knew they were my new best friends.  Not!  The “holes”, the struggles in their lives were revealed as we got to know one another.

So don’t be quick to judge a book by it’s cover.  It might feel good when you meet them.  But every one should go through the proving ground…usually.  God has his fast assignments sometimes where you get to know someone quickly for a God purpose.  And he will reveal that to you.  I’ve had that happen more than once.

For me, it was a crisis around the corner usually in her life and we had to become quick friends so that I would be in the right place at the right time to be a help in the time of need.  God knew they would turn to me and they did. Sometimes the friendship continued and other times it did not.  It depended on how big the crisis was and if all parties could “bounce” back into a normal friendship after the crisis was over.

In not judging too quickly, don’t let a woman’s clothes and car they drive have you making the wrong assumptions.  They could be one payment from repossession driving the latest SUV or they could be millionaire driving the oldest car you’ve seen in a long while.  Watch the jealousy.

Try not to prejudge.  They may have wisdom you know not of and be the one who is there when no one else is.   Or they could have “nothing” upstairs and you can never get a reading on them because there is nothing to read.

Don’t judge.  Just ask God what his purpose is for your relationship with these dear ladies no matter where they are in life… struggling, doing well, brainy, rich or poor.

If you have read this article all the way to the end, you might be the type that ends up “having the goods” for most of the people around you.  You might think, really?  Once again you might question, I am in a more stable position than this new person?  It is sometimes about how we can help not how someone can help us.  Some Times!  And why not?

We all have gifts and callings.  We have something to add to this place called earth with millions and millions of people.  There will always be someone who knows less than us in some area of life that we can share with.  There will always be someone who could benefit from our prior experiences.  So be open to being the one who will share, encourage, enlighten and spread hope.

My “passion” for community in my personal life is seen through my “Why”  for doing business and also is implemented as an asset in my business world of creating community among other entrepreneurs and independent associates, especially single mom entrepreneurs.

Identify some single mom business owners and independent associates and commissioned reps who would want more exposure. You can share their social media post sometimes. 

Dear Single Mom, you may have much more than you realize.

Share it!  Share the good you have!

Be a positive influence on the ones around you, old and new.  Young and old!

My name is Nek’ka Migel and it has been my delight to share with you 10 ways to develop community as a single mom.  And finally after years and years of praying to live life with people, I have lots of community (people that I live life with) and I am enjoying my community almost daily.  I like my private times by myself. And I know my community is just a text away, a phone call away and the next visit is just hours away.  If you have been encouraged by this post, please share it!  

Sincerely and

In Christ Name,

Nek’ka Migel

Founder of Single Moms Unite!, LLC and

Single Moms Unite! Consulting

also known as SMU!

Join the closed Facebook group at Single Moms Unite! with the purple logo.   Like and have your friends like the page, Single Moms Unite!, LLC to get awareness.

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#friends #singledad #struggle #trainchildren #Budget #buildingconfidence #Community #singleparent #SingleMoms #confidence #consultation
#dress #important #Facebookgroup #friends #Nek’kaMigel #plate oofull #yourstruggle #SingleparentConsulting #Trainyour children #yourownman

 

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Piece it Together

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I was just listening to Steven Furtick this morning who’s message was entitled, “Piece it Together”.  You can watch the sermon on YouTube at https://youtu.be/G8yzTaiq_NQ.  

He talked about when the process does not look like the promise.  Sometimes things are still in pieces like a puzzle. But when we put them together,  it will reveal the fulfilled promise…of a complete picture no longer in pieces as in a new puzzle box.  

Check out the YouTube video!  It’s great!

Sincerely and

In Christ,

Nek’ka Migel

 

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