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Do you experience push back on the job or in ministry?
I was just thinking about how people sometimes give you a run around when you want to help. Whether it is helping people or helping in a situation. The experiences I am about to share happened while I was a single stay at home mom. While you are reading them, you may see similarities to incidences in your life or job.
So, what is with the push back? Why can’t people accept our willingness to help them, to genuinely help them? Why can’t people just look at themselves, at what’s being said and examine where they are? What’s with the push back?
Even though I am not perfect, it does not stop me from helping others.
I know that the scripture says that I am to pull the beam out of my own eyes before I can see clearly to cast the mote out of my brother’s eye. (Matthew 7:5) So should I just leave a person in the deep hole they are in while I go and make amends to about 10 people, say 10 “Our Fathers”, and get counseling for a couple of months before I can mention one thing to another person about their issues?
I also understand the scripture that says it is in the spirit of meekness that you go to someone overtaken in a fault to restore them. Going in the spirit of meekness and thinking about yourself, helps you to not be tempted in the same way they were. (Galatians 6:1)
I just wonder, why time and time again, I have had leaders just not accept what I’m saying about a situation before they ask me what’s wrong with me, asking me, “What is the sin in your life?” Do I have to go through this drill before I can mention anyone else’s sin or not so good situation? When I am not confronting the leader but another co-laborer to me, in this instance, what is with the push back?
When someone is in leadership, their mess-ups could affect many people. I really don’t understand the fingers pointing back at me as to what’s in my life that I need to deal with, right as I bring up an issue. I regularly submit myself to Our Father in Heaven for my issues and I wait for God to let me know what I need to deal with. I am willing to deal with those things. People, who know me, know that about me.
So, I don’t understand the deal with the push back from these men and women. I am reminded of at least one of the leaders who was giving me push back about an issue that was affecting other people. I found out a year or so later that this same leader was in sin, himself. So in a way, that makes more sense as to why HE was trying to point the finger at me being a whistle blower, bringing someone else’s stuff to the surface.
Sin consciousness will make you not so hard on sin in other people’s lives. It takes away your boldness sometimes. Sin consciousness might have you say that someone else’s stuff is not that bad. When others are affected negatively and in a needless way, it is still bad. It doesn’t matter how minor or major the issue might be. 1 Corinthians 15:33, says that “Evil communication corrupts good manners”. The Amplified bible says that “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
In another incident, I got a 5 to 10 minute lecture on the issues that I probably have in my life. It was so off topic, it was ridiculous. I could not figure out why I had to go through such harassment to bring an issue to my leader. I was not gossiping to my friend. I went to someone who could do something about it by going to the next person in authority. I can say for this incident, that the not so innocent party was spoken to by the leader after our conversation and the issue was confirmed by the actual (guilty) party. And it was dealt with.
So I think that was the issue with my leader: He thought I was assuming because I didn’t have concrete proof. Yet the conversations that I was having with this individual was proof enough to me. And since he finally admitted fault, yes, there was a fault, I knew I had “guessed” right.
As human beings, we sometimes second guess ourselves. As we get older, we understand different dynamics of life a little better than when we were younger. So all things and all scenarios do not take a rocket science to deduce what is going on in some people’s lives. I am the first to say that I have a lot to learn about people. I believe with the help of the Holy Spirit, I saw through to what was really going on which was later confirmed.
It’s quite the concept and it makes sense that when I talk to others about the bad issues in someone’s life that I will get pushed back because the person I am talking to is in sin and doesn’t want to admit fault or be caught themselves. Maybe, it’s like the golden rule, kind of, in reverse. Since the leader does not want to admit fault, he won’t allow me to blow the whistle on anyone else’s issues or sin. He will try to stop me cold if he can harass me enough or get me to admit a fault of my own which might disqualify me from speaking up, possibly. Or at least get me to back down because I FEEL disqualified to speak at that moment.
…Don’t know if that is their logic.
All I know is that if the leader has a problem, it does not mean I have a current problem that I need him to dig out of my life and heart before I can share a concern. That is not staying on the subject. And if I need help in the future, I can return to talk to my leader about my issues. Although, with the way they are handling my concerns for a co-laborers, I might be hesitant to admit my own weaknesses to this same leader.
So why the push back? If a person really and truly cares about someone, it’s not that they’re perfect. They care. They want better for another person. They want better for the situation and for the people who are being affected by the situation. It’s not saying that the whistle blower is perfect.
It someone had to be perfect before calling attention to a harmful or potentially harmful situation, would there ever be any rebuking? The scripture does not say we have to be perfect (Galatians 6:1). It says we have to pull the log out of our own eyes. It says to go humbly, in the spirit of meekness. We go being aware of our own humanness and shortcomings.
So again, I ask, what’s with the push back? S i n. And sin consciousness. What a sad world it would be if there was no more rebuking in the world. What a sad world it would be.
Some people don’t want to be stopped. Others don’t want to be accused of being wrong. They want to do what they want to do when they want to do it. And no one is going to stop them, so they think.
I have run into people who are running from God. They do not accept the call on their life nor their responsibilities, sometimes. As a Christian, I don’t know how one decides what parts will be Christian and what parts they will compartmentalize into the controls of their own hands. How do you make arbitrary decisions like that? It’s mind-boggling to me.
So my answer to push back is, “What would Jesus do”. If he verbally answered, Jesus would answer with the word of God. So I must do that.
If Jesus reacted, He would react with grace, humbly and sometimes with righteous indignation but Jesus would not stay there, in anger. So I will not stay hurt or in anger.
I believe Jesus would cast down all imaginations and thoughts that operate contrary to the word of God. (2 Corinthians 10:5). So I must not let my mind run wild either on assumptions or untruths.
I believe Jesus would pray for leaders and individuals who were caught in sin and he would guide them in all truth. (John 16:13) And so must I. I would go so far as to pray, 2 Timothy 2:24–25, praying that “God would grant them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth”.
Some people’s eyes are closed or half closed to the truth. Deception is hard to battle on your own when you have been believing a lie for so long. Or when a person is deceived to think that their stuff is not so bad, it can be hard to change or see the truth.
If you have gotten something from this article today, I hope you will clap for it on medium.com. I was so ramped up today when I first wrote this wondering why this situation keeps happening to me. But at last, a friend of mine told me that sometimes things, even bad things, keep happening so that we can form a response to those things.
My name is Nek’ka Migel and writing this story today has helped me to see things more clearly as to why I get push back from leaders and others when it comes to pointing out faults in other people. I thought that others might benefit from reading about my experience. I did not want to name the exact sin since these people are still alive and hopefully they are dealing with their issues. That is my prayer for them.
In Christ Name,
and Consulting for Single Parents
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