Are You Undefeatable as a Single Parent?
Being a single parent doesn’t mean you’ve been defeated.
Here is one single mom’s story:
When we were little, we knew single moms existed. Maybe we were raised by one or maybe the neighbor was.
There is no one in this world that could have grown up without knowing a single mom but no one knows what it really means until you are one.
No one knows the emotions, the trials and the heartache that comes with it unless you’ve been one yourself. No one understands the sacrifices that we’ve had to take and the choices we have to make on a daily basis.
A lot of single moms relate to one another but not everyone shares the same story. No one knows how it really is and the things we have to do in order to survive; not only financially but emotionally. Some people do, in fact, choose to be a single mom and some don’t. Some never thought it’d be them and there’s so much stigma and misunderstanding when it comes to being a single mom. It is also very admirable and inspiring. The things that we do for our children are definitely impressive. We don’t always think so but when you were raised by one, you realize how much you didn’t appreciate.
My mother became a single mom the moment her husband died and again years later when my sister and I were born. She had my brother to help but the things that she did, I admire it so much more now. My biggest complaint was that she worked all the time and that she left me home alone, frequently. I understand now, she felt she had no other choice. One thing that always stands out is that she always prepared meals for us and had a clean home. She managed to do so much with such a busy schedule. She managed to take us to the beach no matter how tired she was. We’re talking about a woman who was left to do it all on her own with three children and then she had two more later down the road. Her only support system was my brother and she worked so hard for my baby sister and I. She did what she had to do, like any mother or any parent out there.
My mother taught me a lot and I didn’t realize it until I became a single mom myself. I have two children and I barely manage to keep it together. I barely manage to keep my home clean and make dinner every day. I think back and I don’t know how she did it. I have learned so much along the years and I continue learning and growing so much more. We always think we know everything until we realize that we don’t. I have had to spend more time at work than with my children. I have missed milestones but I only did it to maintain a roof over their head and to put clothes on their back. We don’t have much but we have each other. I feel like I have failed them so much. Sometimes, I feel like I’m burdening them with my poor decisions and I feel like I don’t do enough. I feel like they deserve better but then they tell me how happy they are and how much they love me. That’s when I realize that they see the beauty in me and their life. They don’t need material things…they just need their mom. Maybe I’ll never be able to be perfect and maybe, I won’t always do enough. But, they love me beyond my imperfections.
One of the hardest things for me as a single mom is not really the “having no partner”.
It is actually the fear of the unknown.
Sometimes I just don’t know if I’ll have the strength to do things. To be honest, I don’t know how I manage to do most things. I just do it. Childcare is expensive but I still have to work. I have to juggle so many things on my own with little to no family support. I get to deal with all of the good and bad days. At times, it feels like I have no one that understands. It’s tough to know that two children depend on me and one mistake can make a great impact. However, we have gone through so much together and as I look back I am amazed at how far I’ve come.
I don’t have the answers to everything but when I see another single mom, I get it. I understand the struggles and the hardship. Now that my mom has passed, I understand her so much more. I love her even more. Single moms are definitely strong. I know the love and the happiness their children bring to them is what pushes them to work so hard. As mothers, we all do what we have to for our children especially in this world that makes us feel like it’s just trying to tear us apart.
I understand now, (all) the things that I didn’t understand that my mom had to do for us.
I see now that being a single mom is hard, overwhelming but very rewarding. We chose to step up and to do what’s right for our children. The feelings and emotions that come with it are completely normal. We may mess up a lot but our kids focus on the love they have for us and they don’t judge us. They don’t judge because they love us. Maybe they don’t understand what we have to do as parents but one day they will.
It may not always be easy and we have our struggles just like everyone else. One thing I know now is that no one can love and do more for our children than us. We may have wanted things to turn out a different way. Or we may have chosen this route.
Being a single mother doesn’t mean you’ve been defeated; it means you’re undefeatable!
It has been my pleasure sharing Natasha’s story. For more stories from Natasha and other moms, check back or subscribe to the Consulting for Single Parent newsletter here. My name is Nek’ka Migel and I look forward to serving more single parents in the Treasure Valley and beyond!
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